Bangs, a beard & ballyhoo began as a chronicle of our cross country journey and a place to write about decorating our new space once we arrived in San Francisco. I had this grandiose idea that it would be wildly popular, I would make a shit ton of connections, and eventually become a reputable blogger. In hindsight, I think I wanted to start a blog because of the many bloggers that I admire. Their passion is amazing and inspiring. For those of you who may read this as bloggers, please do not think that what I’m about to say is a criticism because I really love this community and what it has to offer.
I’ve realized that just because I respect and enjoy those individuals doesn’t mean I have to do what they do. There’s a reason that I enjoy reading what they share and that’s because they are truthful, open, dedicated, and devoted.
When it comes to blogging, I don’t embody those qualities. Until recently, I was not open about my personal life on this blog. I’m not very dedicated or devoted. I find myself posting for the sake of having content rather than being excited about what I’m sharing. When I first started blogging, I was so busy focusing on what I could plan to do in the future that I wasn’t experiencing life in the present.
Also, I don’t do anything to drive readership. There’s no etsy shop, or design firm, or a craft.
Why did I have a need to share the details of my improvement projects, or travels, or life in general? If I am truly honest with myself, it was probably for pure popularity. Seriously. I really think in the back of my mind that I was thinking, “Hey world! Look at this cool shit I did, bought, and acquired. Look at this awesome picture I took and this amazing place that I’ve been. Look at this incredible dog! Don’t you love him!?” That is purely egotistical, and it’s insane to me that my driving force was validation because I don’t need that. I think it's competitive, in a sense, which I vehemently dislike. I feel happy, grateful, complete, and supported when I come home everyday and see Jon and Duke or join my friends for dinner.
Why am I sharing my life in a public forum? I really don’t know. I’m not that type of person. I mean, I will always have something to say, but at this point in time, I’m not sure that I want to do that publicly. Also, it’s pretty obvious that I’m not doing this to sharpen my writing skills because I barely write anything in my posts. I have a graduate degree in creative writing for goodness sake that I don’t even utilize (an entirely different issue!). If I really wanted to write, I would be … in a different genre.
I’ve realized that this blog has become an extension of myself that isn’t me. As much as I love having visitors, I no longer feel the need to share details about our house, or our travels, or what happened throughout our day. I’ve been pondering the concepts of “What does this prove? How does this make my day better? What am I really trying to accomplish?” I keep coming back to the fact that this blog was not a product of passion.
My dad recently said, If you want to be someone important, then do something important.
Doesn’t that ring true on so many levels? I have been thinking about that repeatedly … against many situations that have nothing to do with this blog. It’s time to do something important and rejoin all of you when I feel comfortable sharing.
So this isn’t goodbye. It’s a vacation. You can still keep up with Jon and I through flickr and pinterest.
Much love to all of you for your support!